Allison Holker Discusses Trauma to Inspire Others: 'Can't Do It Alone' (Exclusive)

Since the tragic death of her husband, Stephen "tWitch" Boss, in December 2022, Allison Holker has faced immense emotional hurdles. She describes her grief as an unbearable weight. Following the initial sorrow came intense anger and confusion.

Holker, now 36, shares her journey in an exclusive feature with PEOPLE. "The last two years have brought constant challenges," she explains. "I often feel sad or angry, and understanding these emotional waves is part of my healing."

In her new memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light (set for release on February 4), she reveals painful truths about her husband’s final days. The memoir highlights her deep love for him and her struggles with feelings of betrayal after his suicide. Holker wants to support others similarly afflicted by silent struggles.

"It breaks my heart that Stephen endured everything alone," she reflects. "He was always so strong for others."

In response to her husband's death, Holker established the Move with Kindness Foundation, partnering with the National Alliance on Mental Illness to promote mental health initiatives. She emphasizes the importance of vulnerability for her family, especially for their children: Weslie, Maddox, and Zaia.

"It's essential for me to share the truth," Holker states. "If someone is considering taking drastic measures, I urge them to seek help first. Asking for help could lead to reclaiming one's hope."

The impact of therapy is evident in Holker’s life, as her family engaged in intense counseling sessions throughout 2023. "It's only recently that I’ve accepted that not being okay is acceptable," she admits.

She reflects on Stephen's attempts to open up, wishing he felt comfortable asking for help. "I don’t want to fall into the same patterns," she continues. "Supporting my family has often overshadowed my healing. Now, I strive to let others assist me during this challenging period."

Holker acknowledges that many memories with Boss are clouded by grief. "I need to cherish the love we shared, and his wonderful role as a dad," she emphasizes. "I refuse to let melancholy take over those beautiful moments."

Accepting that closure may never come is part of her recovery. "Therapy has helped me confront that reality," she notes. Her daughter, Weslie, now mirrors Holker’s determination to help others overcome challenges.

"The most crucial lesson I can impart to Weslie is resilience," Holker asserts, recalling her personal struggles with poverty and bullying growing up as a dancer. "Life will present obstacles, and that's okay—we just keep moving forward."

Recently, they moved to a new home, marking a reset for the family. "Carrying emotions from our last place weighed us down," she explains. "We recognized together that a change was essential. Our new space provides a breath of fresh air."

In early 2024, Holker assumed her role as a judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" and is set to initiate a podcast with Weslie. While she understands grief doesn’t follow a predictable path, Holker is notably finding peace.

"After a long wait, I finally feel a sense of tranquility," she reflects, looking forward to what lies ahead.

The arrival of a new romantic relationship with tech CEO Adam Edmunds has instilled optimism in Holker. "I'm on a journey to uncover the best version of myself—independent of my past with Stephen," she affirms. "I am confident I can do this."

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